


Not Over You

by Parhelionsol



Category: Orange is the New Black
Genre: F/F, Friendship, Rape/Non-con Elements, Romance, Rough Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-11 04:10:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15964409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Parhelionsol/pseuds/Parhelionsol
Summary: Nicky maintains her relationships with her prison family even after her release from prison. One in particular makes it hard for her to navigate her love life and develop new, healthy relationships.





	1. Linger

Nicky sat literally on the edge of her seat in the dark movie theater, but not because the movie was good. The movie was actually quite bland, which she probably should have realized when the usher informed her that she had the theater to herself, but Nicky managed to enjoy herself anyway as the usher tongue-fucked her in the back row.

Nicky's phone rang. She glanced down to see an incoming FaceTime call from Lorna.

"Hey babe."

The girl between her legs made as if to stop but Nicky immediately tugged her by the hair back to her task.

"Nicky? Why's it so dark?"

"I'm - ahh - at the movies right now." Nicky managed to answer her with only a hint of a moan.

"What are you doing answering your phone during a movie? You're gonna get in trouble."

Nicky smirked and rode the girl's face a little faster. "It's all good. Just me and the staff here." She bit her lip and shut her eyes involuntarily when she felt a tongue run over her clit sharply. She was close.

"I don't think our connection's very good Nick. Your face looks kinda frozen or something. I'm just gonna text you."

"Sure thing babe."

As soon as they both hung up Nicky finally came, shuddering and clamping her legs around the stranger between her thighs.

Nicky phone buzzed with incoming text messages as she pulled the girl onto her lap and captured her lips. Nicky slipped her hand down the usher's pants, working her magic with one hand and trying to subtly text Lorna back over the girl's shoulder with her free hand.

Lorna had sent several pictures of herself in various dresses and a message that read: 'what 2 wear 2nite? hot date w/ hubby'.

Nicky texted back 'the red one' before dropping her phone and redirecting her full attention onto the hot young thing in her lap. She tried to ignore the feelings of jealousy when she thought about Lorna going on a date with Vinnie, especially since it had been a long time since she could remember Lorna being anything close to  _hers_.

For the first few months that they were both in MAX, Nicky had managed to refrain from chasing after Lorna. Even if Lorna had attempted to pursue her, Nicky was confident she would hold her resolve not to get involved with her again.

Losing the baby changed everything. After, Nicky didn't have it in her to deny Lorna the comfort she needed, sexual or otherwise. The first night that Lorna had come to her, Nicky welcomed her into her bed with open arms and while there was nothing sexual about it, it was the most intimate Nicky could remember being with anyone. She had held her and cried with her, feeling Lorna's pain within her own body as well. The next day she paid Daddy off to get their cells re-assigned such that she and Lorna were roommates. For several weeks they shared one bed and Nicky comforted her platonically, until one night Lorna indicated that she wanted something more by turning her face as Nicky kissed the tears off her cheek so that her salty lips met her own instead. Nicky had pulled away at first, but after seeing the pleading look in Lorna's eyes her resolve crumbled entirely. Their transition from friends back to lovers was seamless; their bodies remembered each other well and they used each other for comfort for the rest of Nicky's sentence.

Not much changed during the day; they were both occupied during work hours with laundry and mopping. In some ways being in MAX hindered opportunities for sexual escapades. They no longer had the privilege of going to the chapel alone or the semblance of privacy in the showers that a curtain provided. At least, though, they shared a cell, and could lay with each other between the CO's rounds at night. Sometimes they just held each other, like at first, and other nights they craved raw intimacy and the physical relief that sex could provide.

They never discussed what would happen after Nicky's release date. If someone had told Nicky when she received her prison sentence that she would still be lingering around Litchfield during the year after her release, she would have said they were absolutely insane. But that was before she met Lorna Morello and the rest of her prison family. She resented that she felt such strong ties to the place that had caged her for five years, but she couldn't stay away.

Nicky visited the prison often in the year between her own release and Lorna's date, but never to visit Lorna. She drove up with Piper a couple times a month and paid visits to Alex, and to Red, and she blanched whenever she saw Vinnie's name in the visitor log-in book. Sometimes she caught a glimpse of Lorna walking behind the booths to visit with  _him_ , but Lorna didn't call and Nicky hadn't asked her to, so they both pretended there was nothing between them anymore.

Piper set her up on numerous dates, but eventually stopped because Nicky would fuck them and then never call.

"You're ruining all my friendships!" Piper accused her. Nicky apologized and informed her that she could get her own dates from then on. Piper still insisted that Nicky should call one of her conquests back and try to settle down a little. "Why didn't you call her?" Piper always wanted to know. "What was wrong with that girl?" Nothing, Nicky thought. Nothing and everything all at the same time.

She would deny this to Piper, but a large part of her still hoped that Lorna would come find her after her release. She dreamed of the day that Lorna realized her marriage to Vinnie was nothing compared to what they had shared, and this thought kept her from moving on. But Lorna's release came and went, and they only spent time together as friends and nothing more. Lorna didn't seek her out and Nicky didn't want to get burned again.

Months after Lorna's release from prison, she still wished their sham of a marriage would fall to pieces and longed for the relationship they had in prison. Nicky tried to appreciate that she had a fine piece of ass quite literally in her hands, someone that actually wanted her at least for the moment, but she had yet to date anyone seriously. She willed herself to move on and latch onto a new dream, a fantasy where her love was reciprocated.

Still, as she brought the girl to orgasm in the empty theater, she couldn't shake Lorna from her thoughts.


	2. Something Serious

When the movie ended and the lights came back on, the usher jumped out of Nicky's lap and smoothed her hair. Nicky re-adjusted her skirt and stood too, completely satisfied by her movie experience even though she had no idea what happened during the film. Nicky made her way out of the theater but stopped when she felt tapping on her shoulder.

"So, what the fuck just happened?"

Nicky smirked. "You like an after-game summary, huh? Should I give you a play-by-play?"

"No, I mean - did we just fuck while you were on the phone with your girlfriend?"

"No! God, no," Nicky said. That would be too sleazy even by her standards. "I wouldn't even call her my ex-girlfriend. I don't know what you would call her. But we're just friends right now."

"Hmm," she said, seeming to know intuitively that there was more feeling there than Nicky was letting on. "In that case, here's my number. I'm Audra."

"Nicky." She slipped the number into her purse but didn't give out her own number. "See you around." Nicky left the theater with her hand in her purse, rubbing the slip of paper with Audra's number on it between her fingers. She almost tossed it in the trash on the way out, but something made her decide to keep it.

The slip of paper stayed on the bottom of her purse for weeks. Nicky didn't call her, but she didn't throw the paper away either. One evening as Nicky left her NA meeting at the local church, she nearly bumped into Audra in the lobby.

"Sorry- oh, hey."

"Nicky, right?" Nicky nodded. "You didn't call."

Nicky chewed the inside of her cheek and looked down at the ground. "Yeah, sorry about that. I'm not great at, uh, calling."

"Why's that? Let me guess, something to do with your non-ex-girlfriend?"

"You're perceptive," Nicky praised her. "But listen kid, I got issues aside from her. If you can't tell, I wasn't here praying. I'm coming from an NA meeting right now."

"Kid?"

"Yeah what are you, 20?"

Audra smiled shyly. "Close. I'm 22."

"Well, I'm significantly older than you. I can call you kid."

"NA - that's narcotics anonymous, right? Are drinks off limits, or can we go out for a drink?"

"Uh, I still drink. But believe me, you don't want to get mixed up with me. If my non-relationship with my non-ex-girlfriend taught me anything, it's that I'm good for a fuck and nothing more."

"Wow, she really did a number on you, didn't she? Come on, I know a great bar around here and my place is real close. Let me help you forget about her."

"Look, you seem like a nice girl - I'm telling you, you can do a lot better than me. If my non-relationship baggage and addiction issues didn't scare you away, I guess this is my last shot. You should know, I'm an ex-con. Don't know if your church here would be so happy about you dating a felon."

"I only come here because they let my band practice in the basement rent-free." Audra pulled drumsticks out of her bag. "You're not scaring me off. How about that drink?"

Nicky was still hesitant, but actually quite flattered at Audra's persistence.

"Yeah, okay, kid. We can go for a drink."

As the months went by and Nicky started spending more and more time with Audra, she also spent less with Lorna. Nicky spent most of her evenings after work at the movie theater with Audra and her weekends watching Audra's band play at local bars. The more that Nicky got to know her, the more she found out they had in common, despite their decade-plus age difference. They both had a passion for music and had the same taste in bands. It turned out that Audra got the job at the movie theater because she loved cinema; she and Nicky both adored horror films and obscure documentaries. When Audra worked at the theater, they watched movies together (when the movies were good) or made another use of any empty theaters (when the movies were bad), relishing the thrill of sex in public whenever they had the opportunity.

Despite Nicky's initial scare tactics, Audra didn't press her on the topics of addiction, prison, or past relationships. As their relationship developed, though, Nicky found herself confiding in Audra regarding her past. The more she revealed, the more relieved she felt by the total understanding and lack of judgment with which Audra met her confessions. It was refreshing to talk to someone about her pain, someone who wasn't a stranger at an NA meeting or a therapist getting paid to psychoanalyze her.

Before long, their relationship became something serious, somehow without Nicky even realizing until one day when Piper pointed it out to her.

"Just a minute!" Nicky scrambled to put some clothes on as Piper buzzed the doorbell of her apartment incessantly. "I'm coming!"

It was Piper, holding up a thick envelope with elaborate writing on it.

"Miss Nicky Nichols, I am here to request the pleasure of your presence at my wedding!" Piper almost squealed. "Well, wedding part two for you, since you were at the first one."

"What's with the hand-delivery? I'm your maid of honor, do you even need me to send an RSVP?"

Piper and Alex were renewing their vows in a few months, as Alex was due to be released from prison shortly. Nicky took the invitation and eyed the inscription. It was addressed to Nicky Nichols & Guest.

"I need to know if you're bringing your girlfriend."

Nicky's eyes widened. "Your wedding is months from now! How do I know if I'll still be with Audra by then?"

"Oh please, you two are practically living together," Piper accused with a smile on her face.

"Living together! No way. We're not living together."

"Nicky, just looking around I can see a dozen items that clearly do not belong to you. How many drawers does she have, hmm? Does she keep her tampons here? Does she have a key?"

Nicky let the realization sink in that her relationship with Audra had moved long past casual.

"Wow. Yeah, maybe we are getting serious. But I don't know about the wedding, Piper."

"Why don't you want to bring her to my wedding?"

Nicky didn't answer.

"You still haven't told Lorna about her."

It's not a question, and Nicky didn't need to reply for Piper to know this was exactly the case.

"I'm gonna leave this with you. The RSVP date isn't for a little while. Think about it, alright?" Nicky nodded and Piper left her alone to consider her new revelation.

Alex's release date neared quickly, as did the RSVP deadline for their wedding. Surely enough, Audra did move in with Nicky and before long she had to make a decision regarding the reply card. At this point, Audra had gotten to know most of Nicky's friends, including Piper, and it would be weird if Nicky didn't bring her. Lorna still didn't know, but she had barely seen her in recent months anyway. Nicky added Audra's name to the response card and dropped it in the mail, feeling almost as though this was actually a bigger step in their relationship than moving in together had been.


	3. Shiver

The day of Piper and Alex's wedding arrived at long last, and Nicky felt obligated to warn Audra about Lorna. She had procrastinated this moment very intentionally, but as they sat in the back of the cab on the way to the ceremony Nicky wished she had brought it up earlier.

"Audra, do you remember when we first met?"

"How could I forget?" Audra wiggled her tongue at her suggestively and Nicky laughed.

"Right. Well, you remember I got a phone call?"

"Ah. This is about your non-ex-girlfriend."

"Yes, her. I probably should have told you sooner - she's going to be at the wedding today. Her name's Lorna, she's a bridesmaid too. I haven't seen her around much lately, but I just - I wanted to let you know she would be there."

Audra nodded understandingly. "Thanks for telling me, babe."

"You're not mad?"

"No, I'm not mad." Audra kissed her and Nicky smiled against her mouth, feeling extremely relieved by her calm reaction.

The ceremony was simple and beautiful. Nicky stood proudly by Pipe and Alex's side, Neri in between her and Lorna. Nicky had to admire Piper's planning. She was sure she intentionally placed Neri in between them, and during dinner they sat in the same order. Nicky was grateful for the barrier that Neri provided and focused her attention on Piper as much as possible.

At the reception, Nicky's pantyhose ripped while she was dancing with Audra.

"Fuck. My hose ripped - I'm going to go see if Piper has any extra. I'll be back soon, okay babe?" Audra nodded and Nicky looked for Piper. Piper, excellent planner that she was, told Nicky that she did in fact have some extra pantyhose in the bridal suite where they all got ready. Nicky took off her ruined hose as soon as she entered the suite and looked around for the spare pair. She couldn't find them, but a glance in the mirror forced her to stay to touch-up her eyeliner; it was running a little from her tears at the ceremony and sweat on the dance floor. Lorna entered the suite with an entire bottle of champagne in one hand.

"Nicky! There you are."

"Hey." Nicky barely glanced at her, focused on her eye make-up.

"So. Your date's cute."

"Mmhmm," was all Nicky said.

"Where'd you find her? Not one of the local high schools, right? That'd be too young even for you."

Nicky set her eyeliner down and glared at her in the mirror. "Fuck off. Not that it's any of your business, but she's 23."

Lorna sauntered over to Nicky and set down the bottle of champagne, breathing over her shoulder. Nicky could smell the alcohol on her breath. "Still. She's practically a baby."

"You're drunk."

"She looks like she's wild in bed. Bet you can't wait for tonight."

"Shut up, Lorna," Nicky snarled. "You shouldn't talk about her like that. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about."

"You sound like you actually care about her."

Nicky silently resumed putting on her eyeliner.

"You do! Come on, Nicky, tell me where you found this girl."

"Only since you seem so interested, yes, I do care about her. We actually met about a year ago, and we've been living together for a while now, all right? Her name's Audra."

"A year?" Lorna whispered. "When were you planning on telling me about  _Audra_?"

"Since when do you care who I'm fucking?"

Lorna ignored her rhetorical question. "Well. Tell me all about her, Nicky. Now I know she must be great in bed, if you've kept her around for a year."

Eyeliner hit the floor with a clatter as Nicky dropped it and turned her full attention to Lorna, facing her and flashing her eyes at her vehemently. "Fuck you."

"I really wanna know. Does she take care of you like I did, baby?"

The hem of Nicky's dress raised and Nicky froze at the feeling of Lorna's fingers grazing over the outside of her underwear.

"Does she know that when she rubs your clit that you actually want it soft with her fingers? That you secretly enjoy being slowly teased to the edge and then holding it, torturing yourself? And that when she licks your pussy you want it sharp with her teeth?"

The fingers moved lower and Nicky couldn't breathe.

"Probably, right? That's not too hard to figure out. And maybe she knows to keep her fingernails long so that she can make you whine by doing this." Lorna raked her nails along the crevice between Nicky's outer labia and inner thigh. "But does she know when you ask for more that you really mean  _here_?"

A single finger probed along the string of her thong, teasing the outside of her asshole.

"Maybe she knows. Maybe she gives you one finger here. But does she eat your ass for you until you can take two, and then three?"

Lorna's fingers snapped the string, making Nicky inhale sharply, and Nicky moved her hand away.

"Probably not, hmm?"

Two hands shoved Lorna backwards and she stumbled. Despite her drunken state, she was actually composed enough to stay on her feet.

"What the  _fuck_ do you think you're doing?" Nicky hissed and pushed her again. Lorna only leaned closer and twisted one hand in Nicky's hair roughly.

"I gotta make sure you're getting taken care of."

"By cheating on your husband, who's just in the next room, I might add."

Lorna twisted Nicky's hair a little harder and pushed her against the vanity counter.

"Who said anything about cheating? I'm barely touching you. And I really doubt she knows what to do when you want it really dirty and need it fast. Funny enough, you hardly need any touch at all, as long as it's painful enough. Can she make you come like I used to, without even going inside you?"

"This is cheating, Lorna. You said even thinking about someone else was cheating, remember?"

"And you said it doesn't count since there's no dick."

"It's different for me. I'm gay. And I would have said anything to get into your prison panties back then."

"And now? What do you say now, Nicky?"

Lorna pulled her hair again and Nicky held her breath.

"I know how wet you are just from me yanking your hair. Does she do that for you? Does she spank you," one hand slapped her ass firmly enough that Nicky was sure there would be a mark, "and call you a dirty, dirty slut?" Lorna breathed into her ear hotly and Nicky shivered.

"No, I think only I know how hot that makes you." She wasn't wrong. "Tell me honestly that you aren't close right now. I know that all I have to do to finish you off is twist your nipple," one hand slipped down the top of her dress, "and bite you hard enough, just here." Lorna grazed a spot on Nicky's collarbone with the tip of her tongue. "So what do you say?"

Nicky squeezed her eyes shut and tried to articulate the " _no"_ that seemed to be caught in the back of her throat. Lorna scraped the scar tissue between Nicky's breasts lightly and then pinched her skin, knowing it would simultaneously torture her and pleasure her and not be quite enough to get her all the way there.

"Tell me that you want me to stop."

Lorna paused and Nicky said nothing and Lorna did just what she had threatened to do; fingers twisted one nipple painfully hard as Lorna bit down with enough force to draw blood, and Nicky came involuntarily with a desperate wail.

A tongue lapped over her collarbone to clean the blood, and Lorna removed her hand from Nicky's breast. She took one step back and eyed the quivering mess she had made of Nicky Nichols.

"That's what I thought."

The sound of heels on tile met Nicky's ears and suddenly Lorna was gone and Nicky was left shaking and alone. She sank to the floor and sobbed. She knew the noise would probably attract unwanted attention but she couldn't help it. Nicky felt sick to her stomach. She had maybe had a glass or two of champagne so far, nowhere near enough to make her sick. Still she crawled towards the trash and when Neri opened the the door to investigate the noise she walked in to see Nicky heaving into the trash.

"Uhh, Piper?"

Nicky wretched again, unbelievably sick from the thought of what had just transpired between her and Lorna, and she bawled harder when Piper walked into the bridal suite.

"Oh, Nicky." Piper pulled her up and Nicky clung to her. "Neri, go get Audra, will you?"

Neri returned quickly and Audra took Piper's place, stroking Nicky's hair lovingly.

"Baby, baby, what happened?"

Between tears all Nicky managed to get out at first was, "Lorna."

"Do you want me to go get her?"

"No!" Nicky was getting hysterical. "No, no, no."

"Okay, baby, okay. Can you tell me what happened?"

Nicky sank back down to the floor and took several deep breaths, wiping her eyes and looking anywhere but Audra.

"She was in here with me."

"Just now?"

Nicky nodded.

"Did she hurt you?"

"No." Nicky shook her head. "She, uh, she-"

"Did she kiss you?"

Nicky looked her in the eye guiltily. "Not exactly."

Audra took in her disheveled hair and ran her thumb over the bite marks on Nicky's collarbone.

"You don't need all the details but - she touched me. And I - I didn't touch her, but I didn't stop her either. I should have stopped her. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"She bit you?" Audra whispered.

Nicky looked away.

"You said she didn't hurt you."

Nicky closed her eyes and her cheeks flushed. "Uh, I guess it hurt, but she - she knows that I, uh, I like that." Nicky shook her head and let her face fall into her palms. "I'm so sorry. I had a feeling today was going to be a shit-show."

"You don't have to be sorry, Nicky." Audra lifted her chin and gazed into her eyes. "Fuck her. Fuck her for touching you, and fuck her for screwing you up so badly in the first place. Let's just go home, alright?"

"Yeah, okay. Let's just say goodbye to the brides first, yeah?"

Audra helped her up and they said their goodbyes to Piper and Alex. When Nicky hugged Piper goodbye, she whispered in her ear, "Are you okay?"

"Sort of. Don't worry about me, alright? Have fun in Fiji. I'll tell you about it later."

They managed to leave the reception quickly, and thankfully without any interference from Lorna. Nicky didn't know where she had wandered off to, and quite frankly was just glad to avoid a scene. She fell asleep in Audra's arms during the cab ride home, and counted herself lucky to have found someone as compassionate as Audra.


	4. So Jealous

One week passed without mention of the wedding from Audra or hearing from Lorna. Nicky was able to put the incident from her mind for the most part, until a weeping Lorna dropped by her apartment unexpectedly while Audra was out.

Nicky let her in grudgingly but declined to speak first.

"Nicky…"

Nicky only shrugged her shoulders and shook her head, refusing to comfort her when she was the one who felt so betrayed in the first place.

"Please," Lorna begged. "I'm so sorry, baby. Please forgive me."

Lorna moved in as if to kiss her and Nicky slapped her across the face.

"You want me to forgive you?" Nicky hissed. "For what? Trying to fuck me at the wedding when I have a girlfriend and I've finally started to move on from you? For using me for sex while we were in prison? For moving on so quickly after I went to MAX that you married someone else in a matter of months? Or for breaking my heart more times than I can count? What exactly are you asking me to forgive you for, Lorna?"

"Everything," Lorna choked out between sobs. "I'm sorry for all of it. At the wedding, I – I was just so drunk and seeing you with Audra made me feel so je-"  _jealous_ , "…I don't know!"

"Jealous? How dare you! You have no right to feel jealous now. You realize I've had to watch you and Vinnie together all this time and I've respected you enough to keep my feelings to myself."

"I'm so sorry Nicky, I should never have married him."

"Why are you really here, Lorna?" Nicky asked quietly.

Lorna twisted her thumbs together anxiously. "I want to leave Vince," she whispered. "I made a mistake. I'll leave him, Nicky, I want to be with you."

Nicky raked her fingers through her hair disbelievingly.

"You're only saying that because seeing me with someone else made you feel jealous. You don't mean that."

"That's not why. I really miss you. I've been missing you. I fucked up, all right? I wanna make it right."

"It's a little late for that!" Nicky shouted at her. "I have a girlfriend – we fucking live together! I'm just supposed to drop her at your whim? And then what, in a few weeks when you start to miss dick and realize I'm not enough for you, I have to start moving on all over again? I can't go on this ride again, baby. I can't fucking do this again."

"That wouldn't – I wouldn't –" Lorna struggled to get the words out. "I'm serious here, I'm not playing games."

"Maybe you don't think you are, but I know you. Get out of here."

Lorna started crying again and moved closer to Nicky.

"I said get out of here! Get OUT, Lorna!"

Lorna did as she was told and Nicky sank onto the sofa, curling into a ball and burying her face in her hands. When Audra arrived at home several hours later, Nicky hadn't moved from her spot on the sofa except to grab a new carton of cigarettes from her purse when the one she had on the coffee table ran out.

"I'm home!" Audra's greeting to the dark, smoky apartment met silence. "Nicky, are you here?"

"Sofa," Nicky mumbled.

Audra sat down next to her and rubbed her back, taking note of the number of cigarette butts in the ashtray and growing concerned.

"You feeling okay, babe?"

Nicky moved her head into Audra's lap and shook her head.

"Tell me what's wrong."

Nicky told her everything and Audra listened quietly, patiently, until Nicky was finished.

"Really, nothing happened," Audra murmured contemplatively, "but you're this upset for a reason. Did you want to kiss her?"

Nicky was determined to answer her honestly no matter what that meant for their relationship. "I don't want to want to kiss her. I don't want to want her anymore."

"Do you still love her?"

"I don't want to love her. I wish I didn't. I wish I loved-"

Audra knew where this was going. "Do you love me?"

Nicky hesitated. "Sometimes I think I could. I want to." Audra was quiet. "Are you mad?"

"No, I'm not mad. I just wish I had been able to help you get over her. I love you, Nicky, but I can't do this anymore. Just the same as you want your love for Lorna reciprocated - I want to be with someone who loves me back. You can understand that, right?"

Nicky cried but nodded her head. She didn't blame her in the slightest. She knew all too well how it felt to be on the other side of unrequited love.

"I'll come get my things tomorrow. Goodbye, Nicky. I really just want you to be happy. I hope she makes you happy." Audra left Nicky crying and chain-smoking alone on their sofa to mourn their relationship, the first one Nicky had ever had with anyone that had resembled something real.

Weeks went by without any contact from Lorna, and Nicky began to assume that Lorna had come to her senses. Regardless of how Lorna had so totally fucked up her relationship with Audra, Nicky wanted to straighten things out with her and try to repair their friendship anyway. Nicky texted her, but after her messages received no response several days in a row, she decided to confront her in person. She buzzed Lorna and Vinnie's apartment and Vince met her at the door eagerly at first. His face dropped at the sight of Nicky.

"Oh, hey. I thought you might be Lorna."

"Uh, no? Lorna's not here?"

"No – don't you know?"

Nicky shook her head.

"She told me she was leaving me a few weeks ago. I haven't seen her since. She won't answer my calls. Closest I've got to hearing from her is the divorce papers she sent in the mail."

Nicky's heart nearly leapt out of her chest.  _Divorce papers?_  That meant Lorna was serious. But then why wouldn't she answer Nicky's messages?

"I have to see her. Where is she?"

"I got no idea, I thought she might be with you, actually."

She tried Franny's house first, but she had as little information to share as Vinnie. Franny said Lorna had stayed with her for the first couple nights after leaving Vinnie but then disappeared without a word. She tried Piper and Alex's place next, thinking Lorna would have left Franny's once the newlyweds were back from Fiji, buzzing ceaselessly until Piper finally let her up. One glance around the apartment confirmed Nicky's suspicion that Lorna was staying there; her belongings were scattered all over the place.

"Where is she, Piper?"

Piper bit her lip, unwilling to divulge information that wasn't hers to share.

"I don't think she wants to see you right now."

Nicky's temper rose. "I don't care what she wants, she showed up at my place a few weeks ago begging me to leave my girlfriend for her and just now I'm learning that she sent Vinnie divorce papers? She's getting fucking divorced and she doesn't want to see me? I can't fucking believe her, I need to see her."

Piper only shook her head. "I can't tell you where she is. She'll let you know when she's ready to see you."

If Nicky had been holding something she would have thrown it at her. Alex appeared over her shoulder and gave her a meaningful look. Nicky's phone buzzed in her purse and Alex subtly gestured at her to check her messages.

Nicky opened her phone to find one message from Alex, which simply contained the name of a local bar.

"Uhh, okay, I gotta go. I'll be back, see ya."

Nicky departed rapidly and Piper looked at Alex with confusion, shocked that Nicky had relented so easily. Alex merely shrugged her shoulders and let Piper believe Nicky had given up.


	5. Whole and Here and Fully Real

At a bar few blocks down the street from Piper's place, Nicky found Lorna drinking alone at the counter. She sat next to her and waved the bartender over, ordering herself a drink before turning to face Lorna. Lorna didn't move or acknowledge her presence at all. Nicky waited patiently, not speaking until the bartender brought her a drink and Lorna had still not reacted whatsoever.

"So when did you leave him?"

Lorna set her drink down and shut her eyes, unwilling to look at Nicky.

"Since the night you threw me out of your apartment. I stayed with Franny until Piper and Alex got back, and Piper got me set up with a lawyer."

" _Why_  did you leave him?"

"I meant what I said that night, Nicky. I don't love him. I never should have married him in the first place. Even if- even if you're over me, even if I can't be with you, I don't want to be with him anymore. It isn't right, not when I don't love him."

"Over you?" Nicky laughed quietly. "I'm not over you. Far from it."

"What about Audra?" Lorna met her eyes for the first time that evening.

"We broke up after you came over."

"Because of me?"

Nicky didn't respond but Lorna could assume the answer.

"I'm sorry, Nicky. I had no right to interfere in your relationship like that. I don't know what I was thinking. Is there anything I can do? I'll talk to her, I'll tell her you didn't do anything wrong. And I won't pull anything like that again. I want to make it right for you, I want you two to be happy."

Nicky couldn't help it; she started laughing again. "You heard me say I'm not over you, right? If she was going to break up with me just because you were hitting on me she would've done so at the wedding. After you came over, and I told her what happened, she wasn't even mad. But just like you said, it's not right to be with someone when you don't love them. That night – I told her. As much as I want to, I don't love her. I still-" Nicky stopped.

Lorna tangled a hand in Nicky's hair and pulled her face imperceptibly close to her own. "You still?"

When Nicky didn't pull away she caught her lips with her own and Lorna was kissing her, kissing her like she used to and Nicky had only dreamed she would ever kiss her again, and Nicky was  _home_. She saw stars behind her eyes as the sound of rushing blood flooded her ears and the rest of the world disappeared, time standing still as her other senses became overwhelmed with everything unmistakably Lorna. Her nose filled with the scent of Lorna's perfume, the taste of Lorna intoxicated her as she slid her tongue against her own, and, most of all, her skin was on fire with every touch, neck burning where Lorna cradled her head in her hand and the rest of her body flush with desire for more.

Nicky regretfully pulled away to catch her breath and Lorna released her grasp on Nicky's neck, and suddenly reality came swimming back to Nicky's senses.

"Wait, baby, wait, let's just – let's take a little breather, okay?"

Lorna blinked at her, surprised, but nodded her agreement.

"Can we slow this down a little? Start with dinner, maybe? Do they have food here?"

"Whatever you want," Lorna agreed, and rested her hand lightly on Nicky's thigh. "I think they do serve food here."

They ordered from the bar and Nicky decided she needed to lay all her feelings out on the metaphorical table - or, bar counter, as it were.

"Listen, Lorna, if we're going to do this, you need to know," Nicky inhaled shakily. "I'm still in love with you. I tried to move on, but – you're it for me. I won't be able to take it if you're just coming to me for a good lay, or if you're not completely sure you want this. Because I am all in."

Lorna marveled at how easily Nicky wore her heart on her sleeve for her when she knew how difficult it was for her to be honest about her feelings. She grabbed Nicky's hands and looked into her eyes seriously.

"I'm all in, too. I never stopped loving you."

Hearing Lorna's confession of love made Nicky's heart soar and she nearly started crying right there at the bar. When their food arrived Nicky swore Lorna was eating seductively on purpose. Lorna curved her shoulders inward slightly before leaning across Nicky to reach for the salt shaker, brazenly showing Nicky a glimpse of her breasts, and Nicky's suspicion that Lorna was intentionally trying to rattle her was confirmed when Lorna slid her hand further up her thigh than could be considered socially acceptable.

"Holy fuck, Lorna," Nicky uttered the words with difficulty through clenched teeth. "If you don't cut that shit out, I'm gonna have to take you out back and fuck you right here in the alley."

Lorna only leaned in closer and whispered in her ear, "Do it. I won't stop you."

"Don't you think we've fucked with an audience enough times?" Nicky retorted. "We're not in prison anymore, baby. We can actually be alone together, at last."

Lorna shivered and even though their meals were only half-eaten Nicky knew it was time to go, signaling the bartender for their check without breaking eye contact with Lorna.

The next thing she knew, they were in Nicky's apartment, naked under her sheets and touching each other in ways they hadn't in years. Nicky moved on top of her and straddled her, rolling her hips so their clits were rubbing against each other. The feeling was so satisfying that Nicky could have come from the sensation alone, but she wanted to hold out a while longer. She rolled them onto their sides and slid her hand between Lorna's thighs and groaned at the wetness that coated her fingertips. She swiped one finger along her soaking slit, slowly, and rolled her folds between her thumb and her forefinger teasingly. Lorna pressed one hand against Nicky's center and used the other to massage her breast, but Nicky grabbed both of Lorna's hands and pinned them above her head with her left hand. She resumed teasing Lorna's entrance and before long she inserted, one, two, three fingers and Lorna was begging her for more.

"Give it to me, Nicky," she moaned. "I can take it."

Nicky wasn't about to deny her. She entered her with her fist and Lorna screamed with pleasure; it had been so long since she had felt full like this. Nicky released Lorna's hands and she reached to rake her nails down Nicky's back. Nicky sucked her neck as Lorna dripped around her and before she knew it Lorna was clenching and coming, whining and squirming, and suddenly coming again. Nicky withdrew from her and collapsed, bringing her arm around Lorna's shoulder so she could suck the slick arousal off her fingers and fist.

Lorna's hand drifted back down to Nicky's opening, and even though Nicky was impossibly turned on she knocked her away, not finished with Lorna quite yet. She moved down her body and opened her legs wider, taking in the vision of Lorna in all her glory. Nicky moaned at the sight and inched closer, breathing in her scent heavily. She nudged Lorna's clit with the tip of her nose and Lorna twitched. Nicky sucked her clit into her mouth before licking lower, reveling at how drenched she was. Nicky drank from her eagerly and threw her legs over her shoulders to press into with her tongue as deep as possible.

"Nicky, don't fucking stop," Lorna whimpered and tossed her head back. Nicky had no intention of stopping, and lapped at her relentlessly until Lorna couldn't take any more, coming for a third time and letting Nicky's name spill from her lips amongst her moans and declarations of love.

Nicky curled up beside her and nibbled on her ear gently. They rested for a moment until Lorna mustered enough energy to climb on top of Nicky. She straddled her, stroked Nicky's face lovingly, and said, "You are so beautiful."

One tear fell from each of Nicky's eyes and Lorna bent to kiss them away. Nicky had never felt so loved.

"Baby, baby, don't cry," Lorna whispered. "Shh. Let me take care of you."

"I'm not going to last," Nicky confessed. "I've been on the edge this entire time."

Lorna smirked, tweaked a hardened nipple, and reached lower to begin rubbing soft circles on her swollen clit. "I can tell." She grabbed a fistful of Nicky's hair and yanked, hard. "How do you want me, Nicky?"

"I don't care," Nicky panted. "Just fuck me, Lorna, please."

Lorna took her roughly at first, knowing that Nicky had been close this whole time and needed to feel release soon. She drew the second time out a little bit, still mixing plenty of pain with the pleasure, and by her third go she had Nicky coming again even though she was taking her softly, sweetly, and with more tenderness than Nicky would usually enjoy. But this was different, this time Lorna  _loved_  her, and loved only her, and Nicky didn't think she would ever get used to the idea that she could have Lorna all to herself.

When Lorna was finally through with her Nicky clung to her, meeting her sweaty body with Lorna's own sticky skin. They held each other tightly before relaxing a little, unused to the opportunity to recover with the comfort of the other's touch. In prison they were used to rushing to avoid being caught by a CO, but here in the privacy of Nicky's apartment they had all the time in the world.

As they drifted off to sleep, Nicky pinched her leg lightly to establish that she wasn't dreaming and that this was in fact real. As much as she couldn't believe it, yes - Lorna was in her bed, whole and here and fully real. Nicky closed her eyes and repeated that last thought to herself like a mantra:  _whole, and here, and fully real._


End file.
